what i mean is this: i had my last week of classes, which for some people would have probably been an emotional experience, but i was like "it's ok, i have graduation to look forward to!" then at graduation, i was like "it's ok, i still have finals!" then after finals i was like "okay, this stupid. i graduated like two weeks ago." i was so over school, i never shed a single tear! sure, i was sad but not in the way or to the extent i thought i would be. it was very effective and i applaud whoever thought of that idea.
anywho, i was driving in my car to The Flying Saucer the other night (as one tends to do when they are only marginally employed and a recent college grad) and this song came on my iPhone
for the record, i have no idea what's happening in that music video because i just typed in the name of the song and chose a video without watching it so....proceed with caution.
the song is "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" and it's from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack. if you don't feel like listening to all 7 minutes of it (though i highly recommend it), i'll just tell you that it's 7 minutes of Baz Lurhmann doling out his most sage wisdom, accompanied by a catchy beat and that little kid that sings at Claire and Leonardo's wedding. after listening to this song, i decided that i too would pass on my college-learned wisdom to the younger crowd.
so without further ado, here are the "Top 10 Things I Learned in College":
10. Don't go bowling with your neighbors.
upon arriving at school my freshman year, me and my roommate were eager to make friends with people in our dorm. before we knew what room we were given, we both hoped and prayed that it wouldn't be at the end of the hall, across from an electrical closet or something. well it was at the end of the hall. and it was across from a cleaning supply closet. so clearly, the year in the dorm was off to a terrific start. we decided to go bowling at the Union on one of the first nights we were there, and we invited our one and only set of (male) neighbors to join us. i mean, they had been propping the door open for days with a bulk sized package of Cheez-Wiz, so clearly they wanted to meet people. they came with us and when we got to the bowling alley, it was super crowded. our friend who tagged along saw someone she met at orientation already bowling on one of the lanes with his roommate, so they let us join in on their game. we asked our neighbors if they wanted to join in but they said "we'll watch". about halfway through the game, we turned to look for them and they were gone. they left us. three girls at a bowling alley, with some randos. gentlemen, those two were. needless to say we got back to the dorm afterwards and the Cheez-Wiz door stop had been put away, never to be seen again for the rest of the year.
ass.
9. Sorority fashions rarely work outside of the sorority house.
I use the term "fashion" loosely here. i really mean heinous pieces of clothing such as
embroidered PFG fishing shirts
Nike shorts
Chacos
...among many others (XXL t-shirts, cute tops you'd wear to the club paired with Nike shorts or workout tights, buns and ponytails specifically made to look messy, etc. etc.) i had a friend who was an orientation advisor and helped pass out t-shirts to incoming freshman. she said they actually ran out of larges and extra larges. this never happens.
i'll admit i own Nike shorts and have worn them to class on many lazy occasions, but most of the time i looked at myself in the mirror and was like "why don't i just put on pants?" it's a question as old as time, but one i asked often.
regardless, there are many sorority trends that us mere mortals should just not attempt. ever.
8. Don't drink the trashcan punch at a Finals Party.
i won't dignify this with an explanation. just don't do it.
7. It's possible to live off of Dine-In Dollars.
when you live in a residence hall at the University of Texas, $1200-1500 worth of Dine-In Dollars and $300-500 worth of Bevo Bucks are immediately bestowed upon you every August. i'm not 100% sure of the exact monetary breakdown, but it's something like that. Dine-In Dollars can only be used in university dining halls and Bevo Bucks can be used in the same dining halls or various businesses and restaurants around campus that participate in the program. this is all the money you get for food for 9 months, unless your parents have pity on you and deposit some money in your Dine-In Dollars account. however, my parents never needed to do that, because i am an EXPERT at dining on a budget. there are three keys to making this work:
1) all you can eat dining halls. CAUTION: you will eat a lot of pizza and salad. and chicken strips. and frozen yogurt. oh, and cereal.
2) Easy Mac.
3) peanut butter and jelly.
i once went to buy some food at the dining hall downstairs and the girl in front of me only had about $500 left on her account. it was October.
6. 90% of dorm sponsored activities are stupid.
first of all, if it's a mandatory wing meeting, it's not mandatory.
second of all, if it's a Super Bowl party in your dorm's basement TV room, they'll serve you chicken nuggets from McDonalds and pizza while everyone gets in a shouting match over whether the Steelers or the Cardinals are better. you'll also make googly eyes at the guy cleaning up afterwards, who will take no notice of you.
third of all, if it's a "How Well Do You Know Your Roommate" game show thing, it will be rigged by the presence of two roommates who are also identical twin brothers. you will lose.
all true stories.
5. Buy an external hard drive.
I got a MacBook as a high school graduation present in 2008. we had been through some rough times together. there was the time i spilled a cup of water on it while it was closed and the time that i missed the bathroom door hook to hang my backpack on and it fell to the ground with my laptop inside. but through all that, we managed to prevail. until the last week of class when it stabbed me in the back and chose to end its life nearly 5 years later on the night before my biggest test of the semester. i got a new computer and luckily they were able to recover all of my files and i lived, but i'll never forgive that Judas computer.
4. Anything free is usually worth it.
things I've gotten/attended/done for free while in college: Austin Museum Day (free admission to every Austin museum), a Gavin DeGraw concert, a Girl Talk concert, free all you can eat and drink cookies and coffee at finals, a free pair of underwear (though I didn't appreciate the crushing of my rib cage that i endured to get them), a live taping of Arcade Fire at ACL Live, multiple clothing items, yadda, yadda, yadda.
3. Don't ride the E-Bus to 6th Street on Halloween.
packed in like sardines, a bottle of mustard got a little to handsy with me. never again.
2. All math professors are terrifying. It's a requirement, I think.
luckily, i only had to take two math courses at UT: calculus and stats. both of my professors were terrifying. my calculus professor called out anyone who didn't remember basic pre-cal (read: everyone.) and generally made you feel like an idiot. she passed me on the sidewalk once when i was waiting for the bus and i immediately got a chill. this was 3 years after i had taken her class. she was just as glorifyingly terrifying as ever.
my stats professor was like Sue Sylvester's older, more terrifying, Southern sister. she yelled at you if you got up to go to the bathroom or if you didn't do your homework. or if you asked questions. or if you breathed. or if you were human.
she surprisingly did not care if you showed up 30 minutes late to a 50 minute class dressed up as Peter Pan on Halloween, however.
1. Asher Roth had the right idea.
he's a one-hit wonder right? his song "I Love College" is a really song where he raps about keg stands and playing beer pong, but at one point he says "I wanna go to college for the rest of my life," which when i think about it, actually sounds like a really great idea. i know, i know there comes a time when you have to grow up and move on and become a part of the real world, but i get why people take jobs on college campuses, especially young people. but i don't mean that it sounds like a good idea in the LITERAL sense.
it's hard to describe, but there was this.....feeling, i guess, that i got shortly after i moved into my dorm, before i ever attended my first class and all of that. i really can't describe it. i call it the "fall feeling" because it's something i felt on the first few days of school every semester since i started college. ironically, i found myself randomly getting that feeling more and more as my last days on campus started winding down. i think it's a feeling of wide-eyed optimism and anxiously waiting to find out where life takes you and what lies ahead. it's sort of giddy and exciting and comforting all wrapped into one. i probably sound like a moron trying to describe it, but if someone asked me how i wanted to feel for the rest of my life, that would be it. in fact, it's how i wish everyone could feel for the rest of their life. i think the world would be a much better place.
though it is definitely not an exhaustive list of all the things college has taught me, this list is now complete. i hope you have your own "Top However-Many-Things College Has Taught Me" list. if you don't, you should make one. it'll make you both happy and sad, all at the same time.
just trust me on that trashcan punch though.
