7:10 PM: Alright so let's just start with the obvious injustice: Ellie and Calvin losing out on best collabo video to the gender-confused duo of P!(?)NK and the dude from Fun.(?!!!!?!) What. The. Eff?! Ellie looked so adorable out there on the red carpet, buff, dainty, and British as usual. Is it because none of their names involve some ridiculous form of punctuation? Whatever...these music video love birds deserved the award and their love affair of my dreams will always be memorialized by Goulddiggers everywhere.
Lovers. Don't worry Ellie & Calvin...there's still song of the summer coming up! -Alanna 7:35 PM: let the drinking game commence! feel free to follow along at home. we've gotten our template from the one and only Buzzfeed. it can be found here. so far we've drank to people we've never heard of, the multiple times they've said "song of the summer", Ariana Grande (who!?) looking uncomfortable and someone comparing Austin Mahone to Justin Beiber. although i think Alanna is just drinking because Ellie Goulding lost.
we've also added a new category: drink every time you have to mute the tv because you're annoyed. you'll be dead in an hour and also watch the whole show on mute. feel free to add it to your repertoire. cheers to the VMA's! and Godspeed. -Victoria
8:00PM Interpersonal therapy is perceived as a core therapeutic technique...sorry...I am technically supposed to be reading for school this week, but I have been consumed by the teeny-bopper world and it is heinously difficult to concentrate on reading when you have 30 year old announcers doped up on their choice of Adderall cocktail rambling on about whether Miley or 1D will win the song of the summer. What? Lady Gaga is the opening act??? This is the beginning of the end.
8:12 PM: GUYZ. the non-host host basically just confirmed that NSYNC will be reuniting tonight. in case you've been living under a rock for the better part of a week, rumors have been swirling that the Fab Five will be teaming up again tonight to celebrate Justin's lifetime achievement award. or basically they just got sick of everyone asking them about it and just decided to get it out of the way. either way, i've been dreaming about this moment for YEARS! i may cry. one can only hope they bust out any of the following outfits:
wouldn't that suck if his "not so solo performance" ended up being with Jay-Z or Timbaland? or that Austin Mahone kid? or a hologram of Michael Jackson? i would cry. either way i'll be crying.
8:18 PM: Miley Bynes. calling it now. i hope you're watching, Liam. and judging your choices and your future.
8:24PM: So we were only going to update this every half hour or so. But now that Miley has just burned all of our retinas, I can declare her a HOME-WRECKER for sure. Robin Thicke, I'm disappointed. Paula Patton, I'm sorry. Ellie Goulding, stop dancing and looking entertained by this ridiculousness.
8:55PM: well. i'm not entirely too sure what's going on here. but i did just see this commercial for some reality show about bartenders (tenderesses?) that takes place in Dallas. way to make us all look like trashy hicks people. also everything that has happened on these awards is why people hate America.
9:05PM: Justin Timberlake. NO. WORDS. we are idiots and can't figure out the 21st century, so clickhereto watch our reaction video.
9:41PM: well. we've totally tuned out of these awards. mostly because we spent the past 45ish minutes trying to figure out how to post the above ridiculous video and mostly because, really, what is there left to live for now? also i've had roughly three glasses of wine and i have to work in the morning. although Adam Lambert did just come out. what is he doing here? UHHHWHATDYAWANTFROMME? oh, presenting an award to that undeserving Justin Bieber wannabe. where's the wine? 9:46PM: wheelchair Jimmy is up now. he looks like's put on a few pounds. and possibly shaved his arms.
10:18PM:
*The End* (just as good as the rest)
Justin dedicates his award for Video of the Year to his "granny"! *Tear*
Allison Williams aka. Marnie from Girls aka. my girl crush introduces Katy Perry in a boxing uniform and tiger print sports bra under the Brooklyn Bridge o_O what?
*Rawr* Jump rope...don't fall! Work it out! Can a brotha see some squats?! And that's all from Brooklyn. Thank you for following the Sisters on their VMA journey...until 2014, fellow moon-men!
every
once in a while, you just have to man up and admit you were wrong about
something. for me, this doesn't happen often (since i'm essentially
perfect), but it does happen occasionally. except in the case of mine and Alanna's crappy internet. i am 100% correct and justified in my hatred, because it sucks and it's the reason i'm blogging at Panera 35 minutes before closing time, while a 16 year old employee sings along to the satellite radio station and passive-aggressively vacuums around the table next to me. it's a strategy we used at DSW to get people to leave. i know your tricks, kid. but i digress. recently i have realized that there have been many books, movies, people, songs, etc. that i have been adamantly against.......until i actually tried them. after all, they say not to judge a book by its cover right? (except that's the ONLY way i ever pick out books, so that phrase doesn't really apply in this situation.) but you get what i mean. the following is a list of things i need to make amends with. the first step to recovery is owning up to your mistakes right? please forgive me, things.
1. coffee
my mom once asked me how it was possible that two non-coffee drinkers (her and my dad) raised two coffee drinkers (Alanna and I). i'm not too sure what the answer to that question is (or any of her questions, really), but i do know that it wasn't always this way. in fact, for a long time i despised coffee. i thought it smelled really good, but otherwise had nothing going for it. i made it through my entire college experience without ever needing to rely on coffee. crazy, right? and sad really, because coffee is essentially heaven in a little freshly brewed cup. i don't know what changed my mind, but i'm glad i did. now i'm one of those people who doesn't function quite right when they don't have coffee. i didn't have any today and i had a headache all day and then came home from work and took a 2 1/2 hour nap. so really, coffee should be apologizing to me.
2. any of these songs
curse you, pop goddesses. but also, thank you for the workout jams. #sorrynotsorry 3. The Hunger Games trilogy
this is perhaps the most grievous of my faults. so many people told me to read these books and i totally blew them off. and judged them. and for good reason! the plot has all the makings of something you should totally pass on. this series takes place in post-apocalyptic United States (boring!), wherein the population has been completely decimated by war (depressing!) and the remaining population is divided into twelve Districts. the totalitarian Capitol has decreed that once a year, each District must sacrifice one boy and one girl, ages 12-18, from their ranks to participate in a fight to the death that is broadcast live on television (brutal and rude!) none of that ever sounded like my cup of tea, plus it was written for young adults (super lame!)
one day, i had nothing better to do than to watch the movie on Netflix. i'll admit that i zoned out towards the end, but it was enough to make me intrigued, so the next day i went out and bought the first book and i never looked back. nothing about this series is remotely young adult-ish. people get their limbs blown off. people get mauled to death by vicious beasts. i think someone gets decapitated. multiple people are drug addicts or alcoholics. someone is shot execution style in front of a crowd of people. someone literally has their skin melted off. a twelve year old is murdered during the Games. a camp full of children is bombed during an air raid. a hospital full of the wounded and dying is blown up. it's all very gruesome, but strangely addicting and i finished the series in less than a month. basically the point of the series is that humans suck. and i suck for not realizing the greatness of this series sooner. and i think we can all be a little bit sorry about that.
4. sushi
my family never ate fish when i was a child. so the concept of it being raw and rolled in seaweed was something that, up until February, was completely revolting to me. i had many friends who swore by sushi's deliciousness, but every time i was invited to spread my sushi wings with them, i declined. "oh you want to go get sushi for your birthday? i think my mom wants me to help her spray paint some entertainment center she bought from an old curandero on Craigslist." (true story, btw). in fact, my mom was probably the one to blame for this sushi aversion. she went to try it with my sister one time and afterwards couldn't stop proclaiming to any one who would listen that the texture was akin to those jellied straps you find in women's blouses to keep the shirt from slipping off the hanger. so i just never tried it. fish + shirt straps = no.
but one day i got a sudden craving for it. i have no idea where it came from, but i decided the time had come to finally try it. Alanna excitedly accepted me into the sushi brethren with open arms and took me to Sushi Zushi, the holy grail of sushi delights. there, my world was opened up. not all sushi is raw! not all sushi is wrapped in seaweed! not all sushi has fish! i ate it all with such aplomb that i really didn't want it again until recently. but whenever i have a craving, i don't deny it anymore. and i'm sorry for ever denying you, my sweet fish friend.
5. sorority style
you can't make this up. i just Googled a picture of those stupid shorts and one of the related searches was for "sorority".
anyways, try as i might, i just can't deny the comfort and ease of getting dressed in popular sorority fashions. wearing Nike shorts to places other than the gym? done it. leggings as pants? worn it. Sperry's? i have three pairs. rain boots? i have a pair, though it hardly ever rains here. a North Face? too poor to afford the real thing, but i bought a $20 fleece zip up from Old Navy that looks remarkably similar. my apologies, comfort.
there are so many other things that i should apologize to for hating at first encounter. Bridezillas. pickles. Jennifer Lawrence. beer. the list goes on. conversely, there are many things that i have yet make amends with (Channing Tatum? Kristen Wiig? the gym?) and some that I probably never will (Mad Men. Boardwalk Empire. black olives. Ellie Goulding.) so suggest away, my friends, but beware. it could be awhile before i come around. but when i do, i'll seek you out for an apology.
except for you and your crappy internet, Time Warner. i'll never forget.
